The Loyal Shopper!

So what BETTER to do then search for the elusive (or not so much) Consistent Obfuscation at…that’s right! You guessed it! WALMART! The corporate minion hell-bent on controlling every area of our lives!

First, a picture of yours truly today, as I was dressed for the perusal down aisle after aisle. I think a few people may have thought I was a stalker, walking around with a camera phone snapping photo’s of random products and aisles. Oh well. An attractive girl whistled at me. Not sure if it was the shirt (she loved Jesus too!) or the muscles. Hmm…but I digress. (as I often do. Digress is an awesome word btw. But I digress…)

Now, the first Item on the agenda is…a movie. That’s right, a movie. But not just any movie. No a movie of epically drastic proportions. Unfortunately, this movie is, well…consistently obfuscated. Now I didn’t read the books, and in no way shape or form (vampire OR wolverine!) plan on doing so. That movie could be none other than, Twilight. This movie just failed on way too many levels. But I guess I WAS forced to watch it late one night, even though I had SWORN I would never do so. Pretty girls have a way of making you do…things.

Twilight…Blah.

So my bitter hatred for the first installment of Twilight (and arguably the entire saga that is to follow) has been made clear. We can only wait and see if Mark backs me up on this one. (of course you can never tell with Mark…)

Next, we have a rather odd driving situation on the way there. Yes, that is a house, yes it is taking up almost all the road. Yes I had to swerve into oncoming traffic to avoid impaling some couples new double wide (or whatever the heck you call it). It was truly, a wide load.

So I did in fact make it to Walmart safely (but you knew that because I showed you Twilight first anyway…yeah that’s right, I can use logic too). Our next item up for bid, er, perusal, is something else that has annoyed me for quite some time. Those RIDICULOUS rocker, gaming chair, finangled, doodad….things. Hey, I fit in the demographic you try to market these things to. Newsflash for you: We don’t want them! Most of them suck, the ones with electronics break quickly and hardly ever work in the first place, and overall, they just aren’t comfortable! Give me an office chair and a gaming pc, or a lazyboy and a wireless XBox 360 controller and I’m content.

Give me one of these things and Ill be rolling, rocking and overall flailing my arms in an attempt to stay stable AND kill the terrorist SOB’s on Call Of Duty. Please for the love of God, THINK PEOPLE!!!

The marketers that push out these cheap things must have been drunk…or high. Or both. I can definitely see the corporate exec’s of the world drunk and high…planning the world domination. And it doesn’t seem too bad. Not bad in the least.

Now we have a particularly puzzling piece of equipment? Just what the heck is it? It’s got cool colors kids! It’s got Pirates of the Carribbean on it and DISNEY emblazoned across the front! It HAS to be cool!

Oh the shame…

Because God knows Disney is a totally worthy company that only cares about the wellbeing of the children of American society.

But go figure…Disney has been selling sex to children and now has expanded to selling crap branded as “media players”. I’m not sure which is worse…the sex or the “technology” they sell.

But now, cue the angelic chorus…the heavenly anthems! The coupe’ de gras’! The pinnacle, the epitome of Consistent Obfuscation awaits! Behold, all the glory of Walmart’s intelligence is shown in this lowly display.

February 17th IS coming!

So, what are all those numbers again? Are you telling me that February 19th really IS coming? We’re not skipping it this year? It isn’t a leap year? But wait, we’re counting BACK in time now? Because last time I checked, it was May…that’s right May. And as every third grade educated politician knows…May comes after February! Well, with March and April in between at least. Come on people, do you wish to confuse the masses, bewilder the populace?! The very world structure as we know it will cease to exist; because of this sign.

And with that I do bid farewell until my next excursion, review, parade, block party…

Peace out!